Back from the Dream Factory

Yep, Sarah and I made it to Hollywood and back over the last weekend, and had a great if largely sleepless time. Here we are in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, which was a mere block from our hotel.


Note a very diminutive Jason Voorhees passing by nonchalantly behind us.

What with the Fangoria Convention and the general sightseeing, I didn't have time to keep a journal of the trip. Therefore, I'll simplify things with this bulleted list of highlights from a weekend full of them:

• Met Richard “Jaws from the Roger Moore Bond Flicks” Kiel at the convention. He’s a very kind, personable man, but that didn't stop him from regressing me to a 12 year-old TV addicted kid and subsequently scaring the crap out of me. He doesn't seem to be in great health, but really reveled in the attention from scores of appreciative fans. Made a mint on autographed photos, too.
  

• Friday night the Slab Crew plus Sarah had dinner at the famous Rainbow Room, where rock stars present and past stared at us from the walls. I wanted to be seated under the huge (probably almost life-size) portrait of Ronnie James Dio, but unfortunately that prime real estate was taken. Still, no matter where you are in the Rainbow Room, you're never far from Lemmy.

• After the Rainbow Room we walked down the block to the Whiskey A Go-Go and heard several hard rock bands. Since everyone wants to play the Whiskey, each band had maybe a half-hour set and had to tear down and set up QUICK. Sarah really loved doing that, even though the music wasn't her usual cup of tea--after all, The Doors were once the house band there (a fact they don't let you forget). Celebrities in the crowd included some generic blonde porn star flinging DVDs into the crowd, and a leather-clad, silver-crown-of-thornsed Jesus. I guess He's in His rebellious stage now.
  

• My editor was staying at the famous Roosevelt Hotel, site of the first Oscars ceremony and one of Marilyn Monroe’s first photo shoots. We hung out by the pool and saw loads of gorgamous peoples. I had a $15 martini, which I have to admit was excellent. At one point in the dark I saw a tall Italian-looking dude walk within feet of me, wearing a nicely fitted Armani, and realized a beat later it was Paul Sorvino. I wanted to tell him his daughter was great, but figured he already knew.

• Lots of great people-watching at the Fangoria con. Other spotted celebs included Sid Haig (The Devil's Rejects, House of 1000 Corpses, Black Mama White Mama), Lynn Lowry (I Drink Your Blood, Shivers, Sugar Cookies), author guest of honor Clive Barker, legendary b-movie filmmaker Ted V. Mikels (Astro Zombies, etc.), and George A. Romero along with Night of the Living Dead alums Kyra Schon, John Russo, Judith O'Dea, Bill "First Zombie" Hinzman, and George "They're Dead--They're All Messed Up" Kosana. Also walked by Stephen King adapter-extraordinaire Mick Garris several times, but pretended I didn't know him.

• In the "Why are THEY here?" section of the convention, also saw Brian O' Halloran (Dante from Clerks) and the old Indian guy from The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

• Lots of costumed folks, including several gunshot victims, one gory dog attack victim (cradling his demonic dog), and lots and lots of scantily clad platform-booted zombie babes. It seemed to be a recurrent theme. Also saw a girl attach a dollar bill to another girl's upper arm with a staple gun, then later a sideshow act by a guy who ran pins and needles through various parts of his body. Fun fun!
  

• Our hotel was within a block of Hollywood Boulevard, so we were right next to the Kodak Theater and lots of cool shopping. We went on a Hollywood bus tour and took loads of snaps--Paramount Studios, the LaBrea Tar Pits, Beverly Hills, Rodeo Drive, the works. Didn't hunt down too many stars on the Walk of Fame, but I did get my pic by Humphrey Bogart’s hand prints and foot prints in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater. Check it out:And Abbott and Costello just behind that. Yep, pretty sweet.
  

• Caught a show at The Laugh Factory Saturday night. Hee-larious. Dane Cook showed up for a surprise set, though he was by far the least funny of the group. Unfortunately I don't remember the other guys' names, but they killed.
  

Then Sunday we went out to Universal City for some last minute shopping and checked out of our hotel at noon. Our flight was at 2:41, and we were taking the public transport to the airport, which was our favored mode of transportation all weekend and usually pretty good. However, thanks to a couple of delays it took us nearly two hours to get back to LAX, which left us scrambling to get to the flight on time. Some helpful United Airlines employees and understanding airport security helped us make it though, and we actually got into LR about 20 minutes early.

So that was the trip. Feel free to comment with your expressions of envy and awe at my coolness. Just make sure you check with my bodyguards first.